Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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