I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
