if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
