Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
