After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
