i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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