Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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