who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
