When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
