You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
