we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
