For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
