Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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