I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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