i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
