I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
