are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
