u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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