Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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