last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
