Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
