He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
