why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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