I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
