she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
