I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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