Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
