think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just threw up on my dentist
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
