tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
