If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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