would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
