he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
