Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
