Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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