Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
