She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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