Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
