What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
