I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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