Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize