I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
