My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
