I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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