Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
