I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
