He uses pillows to masturbate.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
