i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
