If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
