She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
