those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
