dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize