and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
