i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You can't motorboat a personality
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
