did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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