I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
