yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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