Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
