my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
