Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
3pm strippers are depressing
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
