i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wish life had little blips of pornography
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
