everyone is single if you try hard enough
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
