you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize