I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he was CRYING into my vagina
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
