pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
