that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Terrible idea I love it
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
