Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
