apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
