Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize