i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
